Comments on: Dr. Ferber Doesn’t Live at my House

By: Chris

Chris — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 14:53:10 +0000

The Ferber method assumes that you put children to bed awake. Not that it is bad to nurse children to sleep but this short cuts the self-soothing that children learn on their own - so part of the difficulty here might have been that the Ferber method was not actually followed.

The Ferber method needs to be modified when your children are physically hurt, sick, or emotionally upset (frightened) - which is not usually the case when children cry when trying to fall asleep.

By: Cat

Cat — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 13:15:44 +0000

I must update this by adding that since having our first child, my opinion of the Ferber Method has changed slightly. Our second child was successfully “sleep trained” using what we like to refer to as “Ferber Lite” meaning we did a variation on the Ferber Method with great success. It worked after only a few times, and our daughter is sleeping through the night often…

I agree that there are numerous factors that affect child development, and the nature/nurture side of things must also be considered.

Children do need to learn independence, but in my opinion, suffering is not okay. It must be judged on a case by case basis.

By: Chantal

Chantal — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 01:27:37 +0000

I agree that parents need to do what is right for them and should not do things which are clearly outside the values they have for their family.

I have to say, though, that Ferber himself was very clear (as am I and other friends who used the Ferber method) that it often takes many nights. It was very difficult but for us it worked after one night and our daughter has been sleeping independently ever since.

I take issue with Kathryn’s assertion that her eldest child’s problems are due to allowing her child to cry while he got used to sleeping in his own bed. Children (people, really) have issues for a variety of reasons. This may be an unpopular thing to say but the fact that she was only 21 when she had him and that she was so unsure about what to do as a parent that she was making decisions based on others opinions rather than her own research and thought doesn’t bode well for a confident parenting relationship.

I’m not saying that her child’s problems are entirely her “fault” but for her to try to pin ALL of the blame for her child’s problems on the way in which he learned to sleep independently seems rather contrived and frankly ridiculous.

By: Laurie

Laurie — Sun, 26 Mar 2006 04:18:26 +0000

I loved your post!!!!

By: Kathryn Rahman

Kathryn Rahman — Sun, 05 Mar 2006 15:57:48 +0000

My two youngest children nursed and slept in my bed, and my oldest, whom I had at 21, was nursed then put in a crib and allowed to cry to “get him used to being in his bed” because thats what all of my relatives told me. I now have two well adjusted, happy kids, and my oldest has tons of emotional problems and brushes with the law at age 22. Coincidence? I don’t think so. It is a matter of security, trust, and shapes a baby’s whole outlook on the world.